The other day Scoopy dragged me to the theatres to watch ‘Man of Steel’. I have been a batman fan long before Nolan’s Trilogy came out but I am not in the habit of dissing one super hero if I like another one more. All are super heroes in the end (keyword being ‘Hero’). I was excited about ‘Man of steel’ coming out because it was being hailed as a true-to-the-comics depiction of superman and that meant lots of fist fights and shattering buildings. Who wouldn’t wanna pay to watch man of steel wreak havoc like that so I went along. The toad theatre was showing it in 3d which, by the way, I am sick of. I am kinda over this whole 3d charade. I enjoy movies more in 2d now. 3d quality isn’t that great in toad cinemas here and makes the movie experience annoying rather than larger than life.
Nevertheless we go to our seats and watched the movie. It was definitely an amazing version of superman and was created in an excellent fashion.
Enough about the movie.
Now you all toad folks, you freakin listen to me.
I sound pissed right? Damn well I am.
You all need to learn how to watch a movie in theatre. Don’t look so astonished, I am looking at you. yes YOU!
Read the following lines carefully and may God give you the capacity to get your brain around these and act on this the next time you go watch a movie.
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First of all SHUT UP. Just freakin SHUT UP. Everyone is watching a movie they have paid for it. Stop talking in between. It is rude. We cannot hear the movie properly and it is distracting. If you have to talk why don’t you go to a café. Have a nice cup and talk about whatever the hell you want. Why in theatres? seriously jeez!
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All you guys using your cellphone just to see through your old messages? Come on man, you are half way into the movie and you want to read your old messages? The cellphone light is the only light apart from the screen and it is so distracting. Also please keep your phone on silent, we don’t want to hear your Eminem/Usher ringtone in the middle of the movie. We know you are cool that way but don’t.
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Moms. Please don’t bring your kids from the age range of 6 months to 10 years to the theatres. It is a bloody violent movie. Kids are not suppose to see it in the first place. Just because it is superman or batman doesn’t mean it is for kids. It is for adults.
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Also Moms. Please don’t bring your kids because they don’t shut up. They will ask questions about every single scene that goes by and then ask you when you will take them home. When you say not now, they know only one way to react apparently. Crying and whining to take them home.
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Also Moms. If, despite all that, you decide to bring your kids then keep their legs in check. The person sitting in front of them does not really enjoy his chair being constantly kicked by them. No that is not adorable of your kids.
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Guys (from 16 onwards) We know you have the emotional capacity of an ant to handle intense dialogues and emotional scenes but does not mean others cannot handle them either. Stop cracking jokes when you see a sad scene on the screen. There was nothing funny about (spoiler alert) Jonathan kent dying. You did not have to laugh out loud on that.
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Guys (from 16 onwards) It is a great scale to measure your stupidity when you keep talking to each other during the dialogues and then later go out and say “Oh I didn’t get the movie. It was so stupid”. If you actually had listened to what they were saying you may actually have had understood some of what the movie was about. You are stupid, not the movie.
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Folks. Be at the movie on time. Its not like you didn’t already know when the movie was starting. plan accordingly and then have the pleasure of watching the whole movie rather than picking it up from the middle.
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Folks get your pop corns and cokes before the movie starts. you constantly going back and forth while moving in front of other audiences is frankly quite distracting ( if you didn’t already know it that is).
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Couples. You want to get all romantic and cuddly? Get a freakin room. Stop saying sweet nothings and laughing like khe khe khe in the middle of the movie. This is not twilight.
Please. You have spent your hard earned money on this ticket. Appreciate the worth of your and others money and respect others right to watch the movie peacefully.
That includes you too Scoopy.
“Scoopy gives a surprised shrug”.
Disclaimer: This applies to the toads and toadesses that do it. Those who do not do this during a movie, why don’t you toads come more often to the theatres when I am there. *sigh*
Toad in the pond 